I'm not typing this up on my smaller laptop for once. Actually I've kind of gotten used to using its minuscule keyboard and unappealing display. I'm doing this for the sole purpose of Photo time! To start this special episode, we're going to do a game review!
So yesterday I got a lot done. It was too exciting of a day in fact, so now I'm holed up in my room hiding from the world. After getting up early and reading the last 80 pages of The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya, I made some eggs. I then went upstairs to play a game that I'd downloaded recently: Big Brain Wolf.
Insert Screenshot here
This is a game, about a wolf. You solve puzzles as such:
That is your Genie Friend. You are training to become a genie, like him. This game is incredibly creepy in many many ways. Not like Amnesia: the Dark Descent was, but in Nightmare Fuel kinds of ways.
For some reason, the wolf is under the strange delusion, that a slackjaw loaf who wears his pants too tight can impress the "beautiful, charming" leader of what could never be a thinly veiled reference to an underground civil rights movement from the 60s by solving various mundane puzzles, and effectively "saving the day."
The initial goal of the game was to save your mother, the Big Bad Wolf-ess? from her incarceration by the rotund royalty. She is awaiting trial for the murder of the Queen, Grandma. After the trial is called into RECESS, some sheepish protesters who are as antigovernment as their lupine mafioso persecutors show up on the courthouse steps.
This is the start of Act II. I am stuck, because although you can complete simple exercises to unlock Hint Keys, the rest of the game is a fucking pixel hunt. I knew the game wasn't worth 10 dollars, so when it was on sale for 5, I had to take my chances. Hoping for witty Monkey Island-style dialogue and wonky puzzles, I was pleased to find that all the characters were equally despicable and the voice acting basically ended after the first 2 minutes. Another pleasant surprise was that there was no inventory screen. A novel concept, as now I don't have to search back 2 screens to go pick up a voodoo woman's rubber chickens next to all of the voodoo chickens before I can use the zipline. Instead, I have a notebook, which allows me to repeat puzzles I've already solved, and tells me that I have completed 8/12 puzzles giving the puzzles' names, instead of where I can locate them.
Now, clicking on any given object will do 1 of three things. Firstly, Wolf will ALWAYS walk over to the object in question, literally dragging his feet as he does so, not trying to adjust his painfully awkward posture, and making a majority of the time that I'm not trying to solve a puzzle, just watching his walking animation. (I just corrected this problem by setting quality to low, fucking flash player) Now you click on something, they will talk to you, you will have a silly banter with your genie friend, or it will open the puzzle you've been desperately looking for for the past 10 minutes. I just beat chapter 2 and got 2 cheivos. One was for beating the second chapter, the other was for beating the second chapter. GOD DAMN IT.
As for the nightmare fuel, after Sara, the sheep, is introduced the genie and wolf start discussing their embarrassing sex lives. Sara can hear EVERYTHING. Sometimes, she'll interject, proving that she was not talking to her actual friend, and instead listening to two dudes spergin. In the first screenshot, if you click on the horse, after solving a horse puzzle, the genie will tell you about the time he took a girl horseback riding. It turns out, the horse ran off with the girl in the end. The genie says that this was because the "traitor" was in fact hitting on his girl the whole trip. Why weren't his advances as effective as the horse's? Was it because he was uglier than a horse? (REFER TO SCREENSHOT 2) This is likely the case, and why did he expect the more attractive male to restrain himself around the girl?
In an epic segway, a similar conversation happened last night as I watched a game of beer pong. In a desperate ploy, the girls (Caius and Debbie? I was pretty high) were trying to distract the boys by flittering their fingers next to the table. Debbie had the bright idea that it would be more effective to just flash some cleavage. Caius informed her that one of the boys was the Birthday Girl's ~lost in translation~, and that that would be rather unacceptable.
As a rule, lowering yourself to win a game is cheating, but doing it to worship Bacchus is good television.
Before I got to go to the party though, I made 2 dozen deviled eggs. Pictures will come with the other photos I took that day. Then I heated up a quarter of the delicious noodles I made on friday. Repeating similar processes with similar reagents produces similar results: they are the same noodles. Since it was just after 5 and had just started raining, I thought that was a good time to go smoke a bowl. I had to pregame for this fiasco, after all. While walking home, I received a call from Ron. He was outside my house with his black friend Sharab, which is also too cool a name to censor. I offered him a deviled egg. What he was after though was my rum. He is always after my booze. I think he's got a problem, and I really don't want it to ruin our friendship. As I walked in the door with my "guests" Bro asked if I needed the car. I said "I'm too fucked up to drive right now." and threw him the key. Then Ron got a bright idea.
Effectively, Ron drank our rum, ate one of my eggs and then had Bro drive us to Fred Meyer and back. Eventually we ended up at radio shack trying to get our HDMI output to go to VGA for our old-ass projector. Bro had tried to set up an iTV, so that he wouldn't have to bring his laptop upstairs to watch videos, or simply get a flash drive for all of 14 dollars like I did, which allows me to put 3 movies on an xbox for a night. It was a cool idea though, since he downloads a ton of videos off of itunes. Then I bought some cool headphones, and made Ron buy cookies, bread, and a birthday card, which he begrudged.
I don't mind exploiting other people, especially when they use me as a safety net because of my only valuable asset -reliability-. He shot me in the back of the head with Sharab's nerf gun a few times, as well as letting the nozzle rest firmly on my skull. I don't like being hit in the back of the head. I'm was willing to deal with it until I got my payoff though. Those cookies and that loaf of french bread were to soothe my raging munchies. He's kind of a dick to me.
Anyway, when we got home, I bid my guests farewell, and then found to my shock that HOLY SHIT THERE ARE A TON OF PEOPLE IN MY HOUSE. I was expecting maybe 2 guests, but there were like 7 in the living room.
Ignoring them, I needed to take a shower cause I was running right on time, and I hadn't taken a shower in literally a few days. I informed one of my friends of high school of this when he messaged me on facebook in the 30 seconds it took me to find the address of the party where I was going. He was like Ew, and I was like "lol, you don't even know how fucking high I am. I have been putting this off for days, it just keeps happening" I didn't say that of course.
My point is I embarrassed myself in the privacy of my own home. Whoops! After putting on a sweater and a suit jacket to show I meant business, I headed back outside into the downpour. I discovered that my left shoe had a hole in the sole. My sock was drenched before I even made it to the party. I showed up at about 9:05, and stayed until 10. I drank some water, watched people play beer pong, danced, and sat in a room illuminated solely by a blacklight, which highlighted that I don't vacuum enough, and don't do UV inspections of my dark clothing. They said dress formal, I guess that means come in a white shirt so they can spill some fucking juice on it, but for gods sake, you won't show any dust. Fuck girls: I don't keep my clothes in a plastic bag until the day that I decide I'm not going to dress ugly as fuck and pull out my dress for an evening before putting it back in storage.
I had fun at a party on Saturday! I didn't see more than 1 person I knew though. I guess that makes me a stranger? Whatever, I don't break or steal shit. I had fun.
I was pretty high though, so I went home and changed into my Pajamas at about 10:30. The house was empty at that point (A RATHER LARGE CHANGE FROM WHENST I LEFT), so I made myself a glass of cocoa and whipped out one of the cookies Ron bought me and sat on our porch listening to the rain fall in the parking lot. Then I went upstairs and watched Katanagatari. I've been putting it off for, let's see... since January. I saw the first 2 minutes of the first episode back when Sora no Woto was airing, and thought it was too deep. I didn't think I had 45 minutes to watch an anime back then. In retrospect, it's kind of funny that I was able to marathon it today. Not being constrained in your active hours by having somebody sleeping so close you can hear them snoring certainly changed things though.
Well, during episode 2, I heard them all come back. They didn't go to bed until some time during episode 4, I reckon. THAT IS TO SAY I STAYED UP UNTIL 3. I had to pee about once an hour since I drank my share of water and the rain's persistent beat reminded me that time was indeed flowing forward. I'm almost tempted to get a jug to pee in, but I know the hazards of dealing with such materials near where you sleep.
That's what I've been doing this weekend. Now I've got to get some lunch and start on homework. I need a new pair of shoes too, if it's gonna rain like this.
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