Somewhere in between graduation and right now, I got lost. I had an amazing boyfriend who took care of me and nurtured me and I did the same for. I had interned at Cosmopolitan Magazine, the NY Historical Society, and HBO. I was the New School Graphic Designer, earning money while going to classes and taking care of my cat. I had a nice studio apartment in the Village that I lived in for years. I was in plenty of indie films, off-Broadway plays, a Kid Cudi music video.
And these past few months, I've been in a pretentious existential disillusioned funk a la Dustin Hoffman in "the Graduate", knowing that whatever I do now really affects the rest of my life and not wanting to accept it.
So I fucked around, instead of staying at home watching tv, or backpacking through Europe, or going straight into a job. I lost sight of my boarding school and NY college education. I let myself look at my little brother being at Oxford and my roommate getting engaged as things I could have but didn't want. But I was wrong. I want it all. From here on out I vow to focus on me. I am capable of it all, have been trained too, and deserve it all back, and more. I'm remaking my design portfolio, went over my resume with Kitty last night, have a good agent and am not talking to anyone other than my old friends (who I've known for at least 4 years) and my family. All else is distraction.